Segregating Stupid

There has been an idea floating around for a while. Not really a legitimate proposal but more of a debate starter. To summarize, our society requires hunting licenses, driver’s licenses, and business licenses, but anyone can procreate. And there are a lot of stupid, not to mention abusive, neglectful, and irresponsible, parents out there. And stupid parents are raising a new generation of stupid. So, the idea goes, we should require a license or intelligence based test before allowing people to have kids.

Obviously, no one is going to actually implement such a requirement. It’s too controversial, it infringes on stupid people’s rights, it would be problematic to enforce, etc. etc. etc. As much as we like the idea, we probably can’t get away with stopping stupid people from breeding. At least in the real world. For our stupid-less society we’ll have to follow in the footsteps of many noted science fiction authors and create our own fictional world.

Lots of post-apocalyptic movies and books use segregation to keep undesirables from the rest of survivors. Whether it’s zombies, heinous criminals, or some sort of crazy making virus, the authors of these brave new worlds generally use a cataclysmic event to destroy society as we know it in order to end political correctness. Problem solved. No messy first amendment rights to consider. No self-esteem building agenda has to be maintained. Not everyone gets a trophy at the end of a soccer season.

So in my post apocalyptic utopia, I propose segregating stupid people. In my world, the only thing destroyed is political correctness. I don’t actually want to go to the trouble of arming myself and learning how to shoot straight or have to search for food or anything rash like that.

And the first thing I’ll do to separate the stupid from the rest of us is require an intelligence based license to use the internet. If you’re on Facebook or ever visited a message board, you can probably already see the merits. There are a lot of really stupid people on the internet. sharing their uneducated and illogical opinions riddled with spelling errors and horrible grammar. (For the record, “uneducated and illogical opinions” mean “not mine.”)

A huge component of my internet license test will be grammar and spelling. It is baffling to me that even with spell check and grammar check, people can still make such a mess of the English language. Your and you’re. Read it out loud, people. There, their and they’re. A lot vs. alot. Loose and lose. To, two and too.

Once horrible spellers and grammar abusers are banished, I will punt the people who make up stupid words. “Anywho” is NOT a word. It is not cute. It is not clever. It is irritating and stupid. Use it in my world and you are gone. And another thing, nother is not a word. As in “a whole nother.” And while we’re talking about it, the correct usage, “a whole other,” seems redundant and unnecessary. The word “whole” is the “like” of this generation. It’s lazy, uncreative and, wait for it…stupid.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t expect perfection. In fact, I probably will have some errors in this blog post. Some intentional, some not. I frequently use sentence fragments for effect (NOT affect). But when communicating in written form, it is apparent who is literate and who should be shunned. If you can’t be bothered to employ at least rudimentary spelling and grammar, I shouldn’t be expected to read what you write.

Texting has done a lot to destroy written language. Not all of it is bad. It has given us acronyms that can be effective shorthand for communicating. LOL. WTH. But some people have hung onto the shortened words and abbreviations that were adopted when phones did not have QWERTY keyboards. So, basically, I will eliminate anyone who is too lazy to spell correctly. OK. Thx.

I think when I banish stupid internet users to the island of Manhattan (isn’t that where they all seem to go in the movies?) I’ll have the stupid people internet and the internet for the rest of us. The stupid people internet will be filled with self-absorbed drama, duck face pictures, cleavage photos, and whiny and drunk posts. Anyone who asks for advice on the internet and then refuses to take it. Really, that can be shortened to anyone who over shares AND asks for advice on the internet. Only stupid people do that.

The great thing about letting stupid people have the stupid people internet, is that they won’t even know that they are segregated. It seems most stupid people don’t even know they are stupid. So they will be happily stupid in their own world, and the rest of us can impress each other with our witty repartee.

In the meantime, I think Facebook should add another button for us for commenting on posts. We should be able to click “like” and “banish.” Don’t you think?